What’s inside the Kink.
What kind of things can I get from the Kink Dispenser?
The inventory changes, which is part of the fun. Depending on the event, Kinks may contain stickers, 3D-printed toys and assorted tiny weirdness, classic vending-machine prizes, condoms, personal lubricant, dicks, assorted plastic genitals, Amazon gift cards, Starbucks gift cards, pins, lanyards, badge pullers, luggage tags, sensory items, miniatures, and community swag.
There are useful things, useless things, things you didn’t know existed until thirty seconds ago, and things to make you immediately point at another attendee and say, “This is absolutely for you.”
Some prizes are inexpensive little bits of joy. Some may be worth considerably more than the price of a Kink. Some are made by Master Malcolm, some are donated, and some are sourced by slave molotov from various corners of the internet and Kink community.
…And some are too damn big to fit inside the machine at all.
Who makes this stuff?
Master Malcolm prints the Kink Dispenser’s 3D-printed items, that means some things you find exist specifically because a grown man looked at a 3D printer and thought, “You know what this community needs? Squirrels in Muir caps.” We encourage this behavior.
slave molotov hunts for interesting, affordable, funny, useful, kinky, beautiful, bizarre, and occasionally inexplicable items from makers, vendors, shops, events, and members of the community.
We especially love being able to include items from independent kink makers and community vendors. We also welcome suitable, clean, previously owned non-intimate treasures that deserve another life.
Is everything sexual?
No. “Kinky” covers a pretty enormous range and just like in real life not all Kinks are sexual. Some prizes may be explicitly adult-oriented, others may be funny, decorative, sensory, collectible, educational, useful, or simply weird. We believe weird is an underappreciated prize category.
We want the collection to reflect a broad range of identities, interests, bodies, orientations, roles, and ways of belonging. Not every prize will be for every person. That is one of the reasons trading is part of the game.
Why isn’t every prize worth at least $5?
Because you are not purchasing an item from a conventional retail store. You are purchasing the Kink Dispenser experience: a surprise Kink capsule containing a prize, with the money collected, minus credit-card processing fees, supporting the event’s chosen cause.
Some individual items may retail for less than the Kink price whereas some may be worth considerably more. Some may have been custom-made or donated while others may be tiny plastic nonsense that immediately becomes your favorite possession. The value is intentionally variable. That’s what makes the Kink Dispenser interesting.
Golden Tickets
Kink Dispenser contains ambitions larger than its biggest balls
Some prizes are too large to fit inside a Kink capsule. Those prizes are kept separately with the Kink Dispenser Ball Handlers at the event. To claim one, you will need to find a Golden Ticket inside your Kink. If the machine bestows one upon you, take it to Master Malcolm, slave molotov, or one of our Ball Handlers and choose from the available Golden Ticket prizes. No chocolate factory tour is included and there is no eccentric industrialist waiting at the end. Probably.
What if I find a Golden Ticket?
First: congratulations. The machine looked upon you and decided that today you get more than can reasonably fit inside a plastic sphere. Bring your ticket to the crew and see what’s available. Your ticket lets you choose from the current Golden Ticket selection, it does not reserve the specific item you saw in a photo and immediately began planning your life around. We recommend resisting the urge to stand beside the machine holding your ticket aloft while screaming that you are the chosen one.
We recommend it. We cannot stop you.
Small Kink. Potentially large development.
Golden Tickets are generally tucked inside the smaller Kinks. Before you start assuming bigger Kinks are better, remember a tiny piece of paper can lead to the largest prizes. Size queens have been warned.
Want to get inside the machine?
We would love for the Kink Dispenser to become a tiny rolling showcase of the people and identities who make the community interesting. Visit Donate a Prize to see what fits. Literally, sometimes the issue is that it does not fit. No, not even with more lube.